POST OFFICE DROPPING FOREVER STAMP

Long in debt, the U.S. Postal Service just announced yet another try to at making itself financially stable.

The Forever stamp will soon be replaced by its newer counterpart, the Fleeting stamp sometime in 2020. Details are sketchy but it appears that each Fleeting stamp be electronically coded to reduce in value at the rate of $.03 per hour beginning after the first 44 seconds from the time of purchase at $.55. Once the government figures out how many hours it will take for the stamp to become worthless the stamps will go on sale.

Mailing a letter? Be thorough, be smart

 but most of all, be quick

In other news… Accounting for climate change the U.S. Postal Service will begin raising all mailboxes eight feet off the ground. When asked about all the people too short to reach the mail slot a spokesperson said, "that's what airmail is for."

Finally, with no explanation, the Post Office will also now require any money owed due to insufficient postage to be paid back in human blood. Each Post Office will soon be equipped with knives, gauze pads and hospital bed pans for the collection and storage of what is anticipated to become a "money in the bank" side line for the Post Office. Larger post office centers will also be equipped with leeches for those that owe less than a dollar. A doctor's note won't help.

Ghost Soup Radio spoke with someone claiming to be an economist who had this to say, "The Fleeting stamp is good for the Post Office, good for America and, most importantly, good for nothing after 12 hours."

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  So to supper, and thence after prayers to bed.
                       - Samuel Pepys  (23 February 1633 - 26 May 1703)