GOAT SOUP RADIO GOAT SOUP RADIO GOAT SOUP RADIO GOAT SOUP RADIO GOAT SOUP
Friday, December 7, 2018
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
SUPREME COURT LIFTS GOAT SOUP GAG ORDER. JUSTICE SOTOMEYER: "THEY CAN SAY WHATEVER THEY DAMN PLEASE, JUST GET THEM OUT OF HERE."
In a stunning Supreme Court decision, Goat Soup Radio has seen its lower food court imposed gag order rescinded by a seven to one majority decision. GSR historians will note that the sole minority decision, cast by Justice John J. Hackwacker, 214, was the last surviving judge to have ruled in the landmark Lewis and Clark's Naturally Seasoned Buffalo Chips decision in Lewis and Clark v. Sacagawea.
Writing for the majority, Justice Rippa Dees Pants wrote: "Throughout history it has been a good idea to squash idiocy at it's birth, strangling it with it's own pathologically perverse and prickly placenta. This was the country's goal in telling Goat Soup Radio to pack it up and go back to stocking shelves at Trader Joe's. But, there are moments in history when we must tear apart the velcro straps to our senses and allow even those without a modicum of sense, decorum and decency to express their views, as uninspired as they may be. Therefore, Ģoat Soup Radio may have it's voice back, it's offices opened and it's carpets cleaned."
Justice Pants went on to say that he couldn't understand why the difference in price between a cup of soup and a bowl of soup in the Court's cafeteria is almost $5.00 when the amount of soup in both was almost the same.
Writing as a Friend of the Court (amicus curiae ministronis) Mamby Pamby, chief counsel to the American Association of Soup Ladlers opined that in a crouton free world all would be equal. However, "As long as China continues to heavily subsidize their cheaper, substandard ladles and continues dumping them into the American market, the cup and bowl will remain for all intents and purposes, separate but equal."
Editor's Note: We understand and sympathize with many of our readers that the sections above may have been a bit too dense and erudite, thus requiring the expertise and experience of a pompous, know-it-all lawyer to understand. However as GSR has always tried to be the portal to all that the heaven's have created, we sincerely apologize for our brilliance, extraordinary sense of humor and saintly intentions.
Writing for the majority, Justice Rippa Dees Pants wrote: "Throughout history it has been a good idea to squash idiocy at it's birth, strangling it with it's own pathologically perverse and prickly placenta. This was the country's goal in telling Goat Soup Radio to pack it up and go back to stocking shelves at Trader Joe's. But, there are moments in history when we must tear apart the velcro straps to our senses and allow even those without a modicum of sense, decorum and decency to express their views, as uninspired as they may be. Therefore, Ģoat Soup Radio may have it's voice back, it's offices opened and it's carpets cleaned."
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| Justice Pants: "Why do I always get just two croutons with my pea soup, councilor?" |
Justice Pants went on to say that he couldn't understand why the difference in price between a cup of soup and a bowl of soup in the Court's cafeteria is almost $5.00 when the amount of soup in both was almost the same.
Writing as a Friend of the Court (amicus curiae ministronis) Mamby Pamby, chief counsel to the American Association of Soup Ladlers opined that in a crouton free world all would be equal. However, "As long as China continues to heavily subsidize their cheaper, substandard ladles and continues dumping them into the American market, the cup and bowl will remain for all intents and purposes, separate but equal."
Editor's Note: We understand and sympathize with many of our readers that the sections above may have been a bit too dense and erudite, thus requiring the expertise and experience of a pompous, know-it-all lawyer to understand. However as GSR has always tried to be the portal to all that the heaven's have created, we sincerely apologize for our brilliance, extraordinary sense of humor and saintly intentions.
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