GOOGLE ROLLS OUT GOOGLE NOSE FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Google Nose with pop up
Sniffer Sifter

It's rumored that Google Nose almost never came to be. When Google engineer Ned Shed first presented his idea it was met with incredulity and derision. Quickly dubbed Ned's Nose Dive, he was left to toil over his idea in his off hours, mostly on the pot.

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WHAT CAN GOOGLE NOSE DO FOR YOU?

• GIVE YOU THE COMBINED SENSE OF SMELL OF SIX SMALL, SHY, SLEEPY SHREWS. 
• PROTECT YOUR UPPER LIP FROM INCLEMENT WEATHER.
• FLARE YOUR RIGHT NOSTRIL AND TAKE A 3D PICTURE.
• FLARE YOUR LEFT NOSTRIL AND TURN ON YOUR DISHWASHER.
• CREATE AMAZING ECHO EFFECTS EVERY TIME YOU SNEEZE.
• TAKE IT WITH YOU TO BED AND NEVER SNORE AGAIN.
• GIVES ANOSMIA A BAD NAME.
• WEAR IT UPSIDE DOWN AND COLLECT DRINKING WATER.
• WEAR IT IN THE CAR DRIVING THROUGH  A TOLL BOOTH AND NOT BE DETECTED. SORRY, OPTION ONLY AVAILABLE IN DETROIT AT THIS TIME.
• PREDICT LOCAL AND NATIONAL SEISMOLOGIC ACTIVITY WITH 96% ACCURACY.
• TAP IT TWICE AND LOSE INCHES OFF YOUR WAIST.

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 "Google Glass was just a synthesis of traditional glasses and a computer," Dr. Ned Shed said. "My Google Nose is a true leap forward. Long before we developed eyes our ancestors were crawling around in the mud smelling everything in nose shot. Our noses were the windows to the world. It's only since the Industrial Revolution with its air pollution, take out restaurants and nose plugs that the nose has been relegated to such a lowly position. 
Initially, it was tough going. There was always a lot of static and interference. Then, one day, with nothing left to lose, we depilated every nasal hair we could grab. That solved the problem and today Google Nose is outselling Google Pinky Toe 10 to 1."

Available in red, yellow, clear and blue.
Google Nose green available March 1.

Deeply committed couples
particularly find it useful.

 Here is what some have to say about Google Nose.

"I use it whenever I'm at the mall and get a little hungry. With Google Nose I don't need to go walking around looking for a place to eat. One whiff, and unless I'm downwind of someone that hasn't showered in a week, I know just where to go eat. I kind of let my nose do the walking." Nadia Kopinsky. Hollywood, CA.

"Guys would never ask me out on a second date. Now, I always  bring Google Nose along. At the end of the evening, I just pop one on their nose, wait about one millisecond for my pheromones to travel across the room, and, voila!, that big hairy guy is mine! Thank you, Google Nose." Cherry Cherry Pumpkin Berry. Legume, UT. 

"We've been using it for our DUI's. No more breathalyzer testing for this department. Once we pull someone over and get the allegedly drunk bastard out of his car, the officer will  put on his Google Nose and quicker than you can say "let me see your immigration papers", the officer will know not only if the poor jerk is drunk, but also what he's been drinking, how much and when he last changed his underwear."  Sargent Kim Taser. Biloxi, MS.

"Google Nose? More like Google Blows. I wore it to a Miami Dolphins home game against the Chargers. We were on the 20 yard line, two tiers up. Let me tell you, I never realized how gassy professional football players are. I lent it to my wife for the second half and she went down like a sack of potatoes right after the kick off."  Esther Lester. Miami, FL.

" I  love my Google Nose. Whenever I step into my apartment after a hard day at the office I love to get a

Ginger with Google Nose
and optional solar charger

whiff of what's cooking in the building. With Google Nose I know just where to invite myself for dinner. Problem is, 5J is the worst cook in the world. I could be 3 blocks away and almost have to barf from what they're putting together for dinner. Honestly, I may have to get Google Nose Lite when it becomes available next year. Ginger Weinerville. New York, NY.


WARNING:  Do not use Google Nose with optional solar charger if you tan easily, enjoy long walks in the rain, are planning to walk into a bank with a gun or going for a job interview while sober.