IT'S GOAT SOUP RADIO'S 5th ANNUAL MEMORIAL DAY KICK-ASS FIGHT AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING IN 12 EASY STEPS

3:30 pm
Fort Allenby, Antarctica

Each year, Goat Soup Radio presents the best ideas to defeat global warming and keep your beer as cold as the moment you popped the top.

PLAN	FUNCTION	CARBON SAVED/YEAR (TONS)
Reduce length of Long Island Expressway by 8 miles	Saves everybody 16 miles per day driving.	450
Rename Unites States of America to United States of Lush Green Meadows	Greenland was already taken. Republic of Veggie Burger is under consideration.	2
Get rid of all red stop lights, keep the green and yellow	Less idling but lots of fidgeting. Wear a seat belt and pray.	180
Replace all air in car and truck tires with CO2 from coal burning plants	Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize!	980
Newlywed Rule. Choose baby or air conditioner or car. Have all you want of one category; only one each of other two categories for life.	Example: want 4 air conditioners? Therefore only get 1 car and 1 baby. Infinite number of possible combinations available.	300
Do all printing in tiny, tiny font size	Save the tree. Just sit closer to the screen.	400
Replace plastic shopping bags with big hands	Need big hand stem cell research, now!	1200
Vasectomy for all men with shoe size greater than 9 1/2	Reduces carbon footprint of 28% of population .	45
Ban light beer	Light beer is "light" because of added zooplankton, a key nutrient for red tides.	1020
Toilet paper rolls only dispense 5 sheets per sitting	We'd save billions of trees. Also allows more bathroom stall time per user.	240
Clone the pole	see May 13, 2013 blog	500
Hold in farts as long as possible, particularly bovine farts.	The longer you hold them in the more they break down into harmless water, oxygen and elemental carbon.	850

WARNING. Selected, edited and posted by professionals. Do not attempt.